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(clears throat) everybody, i have a listing! now, since the market is as tight as an englishman's cricket shoes, it's only fair this assignment go to the employee i feel is most deserving. me. oh, and for the rest of you, if you're lucky enough to get a listing, well, you'll now get two weeks to sell it. and if you don't, it goes back to my top salesperson. still me. (ringing) sizemore realty. this is peggy hill speaking, but you can call me... your realtor. mashed potatoes and french fries? if it's bad news, mom, just let me have it.
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let the starches flow like water, i have a listing! way to go! yay, aunt peggy! well, all right, peggy. that's a pretty big deal considering the rough housing market. yes, yes, it is, but i only have two weeks to sell the house, or i will lose the listing and maybe my job. (gasps) no, no, you enjoy those fries, bobby, because i plan on staging the heck out of this house. what's staging? it's like a home makeover. i fill the house with flowers, candles and nice furniture so people won't have a chance to imagine how bad it's going to look with their crap in it. i know what'll attract a big crowd. you can put in a gap. people love the gap. "the last hose you'll ever buy." i've had to buy it three times. and i'm buying it again. this is gonna be the one! oh, god, look who's here. that home inspector, bud ferguson. where? where is he?
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bud ferguson. pushing a shopping cart like a mere mortal. that jerk killed two of our sales last month because the houses had "structural problems." like every house doesn't have those. it's ferguson's job to be tough, and he's damn good at it. did you know he discovered faulty wiring at bo shute's house through three layers of drywall? of course we do. you fail a ferguson inspection, everyone in arlen knows. poor shute was so humiliated, he had to move to a dakota. his unsellable house still sits empty. sad for him, sad for the house. i will sell this house by 1:00 p.m. (war drama plays on tv) (man wheezing and gasping)
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your open house starts in an hour, so what do you say you jump in the car and go for a little spin around the state? (turns off tv) even if i's physically capable of gettin' into an automobile, i ain't goin' nowhere with outsiders in the house. they'll steal our stuffs. (sighs) the open house was a disaster. that woman, she kept kissing her ferret on the mouth. i don't know who i felt worse for. ugh, ugly people sure do ruin a lot. they've done studies with newborns, and if given the choice, babies would rather go to pretty strangers than their own ugly parents. well, obviously, babies are not as stupid as they look. that's it, nancy, that's what i need. beautiful people. if i populate the open house with beautiful people, no one will notice the ugly ones.
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and who are the best-looking people in town? well, librarians after they take off their glasses and actors. i will go with the actors. welcome cast members of the 142 taylor avenue open house. right now, you are a random assortment of very good-looking actors. but by next weekend's open house, you will be a family. sounds great, i hate my real family. so, madame director, what do you want us to do? well, huh, um, why don't you act? if you want us to act, we need a script. we're not improv people. a script... right, melrose. which means i get to write one! i will write about how wonderful the house is, people will fall in love with it, and bingo, it's sold! i'm just gonna have to dig deep into my tortured soul to write this thing.
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i will call my mother. frank, why don't you warm up the actors. all right, everybody, let's warm up. (sighs): 33 minutes to cut a lawn. that's a personal best. actors: unique new york! unique new york! what the... unique new york! unique new york! unique new york! hey, dad, check it out! unique new york... i'm an actor. (screams) close captioning sponsored in part by...
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these days, carrying a mortgage and avoiding foreclosure can overwhelm even the strongest person. even if you've been responsible and done all the right things, the weight of preventing foreclosure can become too much for anyone to bear. but now help is available, offering alternatives for lots of homeowners in many difficult mortgage situations. one option may be advice from a certified foreclosure prevention specialist. it's absolutely free. don't wait to find out what might help ease your burden.

FOX 45 News at 10
FOX January 5, 2010 12:30am-1:00am EST

News News/Business. New. (CC)

TOPIC FREQUENCY New York 5, Bud Ferguson 2, Bobby 1, Peggy Hill 1, God 1, Ferguson 1, Sizemore Realty 1, Unique New York 1, Aunt Peggy 1, Bo Shute 1, Melrose 1, Madame Director 1, Dakota 1, Nancy 1, Frank 1, Shute 1, Dad 1, Peggy 1
Network FOX
Duration 00:30:00
Video Codec mpeg2video
Audio Cocec ac3
Pixel width 704
Pixel height 480
Sponsor Internet Archive
Audio/Visual sound, color

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on 10/1/2011